I knew from the beginning you were going to be poison to my life, but I fell into your words and your games; I fell hard.
I tried to keep my distance, I did the best I could for a long time. I tried to keep my head on straight, to not get caught up in what I knew to be lies, to not let you convince me that anything with you was good, but my heart had more control.
I never even realized that I was so attached, until you began doing things to hurt me. I thought for a long time that you didn’t even realize that what you were going was killing me inside. Then, I realized that you did and you got some kind of sick satisfaction out of seeing me hurt.
After almost three years, and all the absolute hell you put me through, I hated you. I hated you with every ounce of my being, I spent all my time thinking about the terrible things you did me, said to me, and how bad you treated me. I just could not understand how you could treat me so awful, when all I ever did was love you.
I eventually had to let it go, I had to let the anger and hate go, I had to let you go. I was holding on to something that was poisonous to me as a person, I could no longer let myself feel bad for what you did.
So, I forgave you. Yes, I forgave you. I know you wanted me to hate you, you wanted me to think about you all the time, you wanted me to lose sleep at night over you, you all together wanted me to always want you. Even though, you NEVER wanted me. You wanted someone to want you, and at that point it was me that desperately wanted you.
Also a few other words I never though I would tell you, thank you. No, you didn’t read that wrong, thank you. You taught me how to become a better person, even though you made me hit rock bottom before I saw the top again. You made me see the potential that I couldn’t, the potential that took hurt and figuring out how to make yourself whole again, before I realized I had it in myself. One last thing I must thank you for is you made me so much stronger and a great deal smarter. I now know what type of guys to stay far away from, thank you oh so much.
I hope one day you grow up. I hope one day you meet a girl that did all the things I did for you. I hope by the time she wonders across your path, that you know she is keeper. She will do everything for you, like I did, but this time you will be ready for a girl like her. I hope you treat her like she deserves to be treated, because I know she will deserve it. It will also hurt me a little to see you give her what you couldn’t give me, but I will be so happy for you both.
So, next time you try to sneak back in my life, don’t. You can’t hurt me anymore, because I will not let you.
I wish you the best of luck in your future, you have a lot of maturing to do. Maybe one day I will cross your mind again, you might even feel bad for how awful you treated me, don’t. You helped me find myself again, maybe you’ll figure out who you are one day, too.
The Girl You Broke